The draft I sent in......

I finally got a draft in. Got it cut down to 748 words. I like the story in general, but I wish I could have worked more with it before sending it in. However, it was so late, it seemed to me that the best thing to do was get it in. I really didn't want to lose the momentum of having started. Besides it offers countless opportunities for criticism. The language is not that of a six year old. I think that's the most bothersome. I like the repetitive pattern of it, but wonder if that will turn out to be an error. I'll have to look for some picture books with repetitive pattern. Anyway, here it is in all its "glory". I also think the title itself is too preachy. The ending is too abrupt.

Bobby Bear’s Lie


Bobby Bear just had an accident. He broke his sister’s teacups and he felt awful because his sister was planning to use them the next day to have a tea party. So Bobby Bear was thinking and trying to come up with a plan to keep his sister from finding out that he broke her tea cups; he was thinking of a lie.

Bobby Bear had been sitting and feeling bad for a long time when his best friend Bennie Badger came by and asked him to play ball.

“Bobby Bear! Come play with me” Bennie called out. “I just got a brand new red rubber ball. Let’s bounce it high in the sky and kick it as far as it will go! I want a friend to play with!”

Bobby Bear jumped up and was going to play with his friend, but then he remembered his problem and sat back down. “I can’t” he said. “I have a big problem and I’m thinking of what to do.”

“What is the problem?” Bennie asked.

And Bobby Bear told him, “I broke my sister’s tea set and I am thinking of a story to tell so that she won’t know that I did it.”

Bennie looked at his friend and asked, “Why don’t you just tell the truth? I think she will be mad, but she will eventually forgive you”.

But Bobby Bear said he would not, so Bennie went to play without him. Bobby Bear sat down to think and he felt even worse. Not only did he break his sister’s tea set, but now Bennie was playing ball and having fun without him.

Some time later his best friend Patti Possum came by and asked him if he wanted to play follow the leader.

Again Bobby Bear jumped up because follow the leader was his favorite game, but then he remembered the tea set and he sat back down on his log with a hard thump and hung his head.

“I can’t,” he said sadly. “I broke my sister’s tea set and I am thinking of a story to tell so that she won’t know that I did it.”

Patti asked, “Why don’t you just tell the truth. I’m sure your sister will forgive you—even if she does get mad at first”.

But Bobby Bear said that he would not, so Patti went off to find someone else to play follow the leader with. Bobby Bear sadly watched her go. Not only did he break his sister’s tea set, but now Bennie was playing ball and having fun without him and Patti was playing follow the leader with someone else.

Some time later his friend Ollie Otter came by and asked him if he wanted to go swimming.

Again, Bobby Bear jumped up because it was a very hot day and he loved to swim more than anything, but then he remembered the tea set and he sat back down on his log with a hard thump and hung his head.

“I can’t,” he said sadly. “I broke my sister’s tea set and I am thinking of a story to tell so that she won’t know that I did it.”

“I think you should just tell her,” said Ollie. “She may be very mad, but eventually she will forgive you, and we can go swimming!”

But Bobby Bear said that he would not, so Ollie went off to swim in the cool river and left Bobby Bear. Bobby Bear sadly watched him go. Not only did he break his sister’s tea set, but now Bennie was playing ball and having fun without him and Patti was playing follow the leader with someone else and Ollie was swimming in the cool river without him.

Finally, Lily, Bobby Bear’s sister came skipping by. She stopped in front of him and said “Bobby Bear, you are my favorite brother. Will you come to my very special tea party tomorrow?”

Now Bobby Bear felt very badly but he decided to follow his friends’ advice. “I’m not a good brother at all! I broke your teacups and now you can’t drink tea at all,” he wailed.

At first Lily looked very sad and Bobby Bear thought she would cry, but then she said, “I know it was hard for you to tell me, but I forgive you because you did the right thing.”

Now Bobby Bear felt very good and he and his sister went to find their friends together.

Finally, the first draft. 92 words too long!

I finally came up with a story. Somewhere I have to pull out 92 words, but here it is in its roughest glory. Cutting and editing will come later. I came up with this one because I always used to break my brothers model ships and try to hide it from him. The feelings are very familiar to me! I wish I had learned this lesson and saved myself a lot of sleepless nights!

Little Bear just had an accident. He broke his sister’s teacups for her china tea set that her auntie gave her. Little Bear felt awful because his sister was planning to use them the next day to have a tea party for her auntie. So Little Bear was thinking. He was trying to come up with a plan to keep his sister from finding out that he broke her tea cups; he was thinking of a lie.

Little Bear had been sitting and feeling bad for a very long time when his best friend Skeeter the Badger came by and asked him to play ball.

“Little Bear! Come play with me” Skeeter called out. “I just got a brand new red rubber ball. Let’s bounce it high in the sky and kick it as far as it will go! Come on Little Bear, I need a friend to play with!”

Little Bear jumped up and was going to play with his friend, but then he remembered his problem and sat back down. “I can’t” he said. “I have a big problem and I’m thinking of what to do.”

“What is the problem?” Skeeter asked.

And Little Bear told him, “I broke my sister’s tea set and I am thinking of a story to tell so that she won’t know that I did it.”

Skeeter looked at his friend and asked, “Why don’t you just tell the truth? I think she will be mad, but she will eventually forgive you”.

But Little bear said he would not and had to think of a story, so Skeeter went to play without him. Little Bear sat down to think and he felt even worse. Not only did he break his sister’s special tea set, but now Skeeter was playing ball and having fun without him.

So Little Bear sat on his log and thought, feeling very bad.

Some time later Little Bear’s best friend Petie the Bunny came by and asked Little Bear if he wanted to play follow the leader.

Again Little Bear jumped up because follow the leader was his favorite game, but then he remembered the tea set and he sat back down on his log with a hard thump and hung his head.

“I can’t,” he said sadly. “I broke my sister’s tea set and I am thinking of a story to tell so that she won’t know that I did it.”

Petie asked, “Why don’t you just tell the truth. I’m sure your sister will forgive you—even if she does get mad at first”.

But Little Bear said that he would not and he had to think of a story, so Petie went off to find someone else to play follow the leader with. Little Bear sadly watched him go. Not only did he break his sister’s special tea set, but now Skeeter was playing ball and having fun without him and Petie was playing follow the leader with someone else.

So Little Bear sat on his log and thought, feeling very, very bad.

Some time later his friend Ollie the Otter came by and asked Little Bear if he wanted to go swimming.

Again, Little Bear jumped up because it was a very hot day and he loved to swim more than anything, but then he remembered the tea set and he sat back down on his log with a hard thump and hung his head.

“I can’t,” he said sadly. “I broke my sister’s tea set and I am thinking of a story to tell so that she won’t know that I did it.”

“I think you should just tell her,” said Ollie. “She may be very mad, but eventually she will forgive you, and we can go swimming!”

But Little Bear said that he would not and he had to think of a story, so Ollie went off to swim in the cool river and left Little Bear. Little Bear sadly watched him go. Not only did he break his sister’s special tea set, but now Skeeter was playing ball and having fun without him and Petie was playing follow the leader with someone else and Ollie was swimming in the cool river.

So Little Bear sat on his log and thought, feeling very, very, very bad.

Finally, Lily, Little Bear’s sister came skipping by. She stopped in front of Little Bear and said “Little Bear, you are my favorite brother. Will you come to my very special tea party tomorrow?”

Now Little Bear felt very, very, very, very bad but he decided to follow his friends’ advice. “I’m not a good brother at all! I broke your teacups and now you can’t drink tea at all,” he wailed.

At first Lily looked very sad and Little Bear thought she would cry, but then she said, “I know it was hard for you to tell me, and I forgive you because you did the right thing after all.”

Now Little Bear felt very good and he and his sister went off to find their friends together.

The Famous Writer's Block

Assignment number 1; part one: Write a letter to your instructor and introduce yourself. Wow, I find it difficult to write about myself. And, the assignment says not to worry about punctuation and grammar -- which makes me worry about it all the more! One more week and it's due -- with a short story. Whew! Better get cracking. I'll post when it's finished.

Let's Get Started!!!

Well, after thinking about it for almost a year, I signed up for a children's writer course through the Institute of Children's Literature. I researched around a bit and found many people on the Internet seem happy with it; I didn't find any negative feedback on it. One gentleman did put the "apptitude test" through the ringer and found that it may be legit. I seem to have lost the link though; I will post it when I find it. It's kind of amusing.

The Institute has been in business for 35 years and is registered with the BBB, so I decided to go for it. I look forward to the adventure! Maybe one day I will actually be a published writer of children's books. If not, I can only be better from the experience. That's all for now.........